Tag Archives: Toddler

I was born before Google

31 May

Kids

Dear Lucas, Stella, and Cora,

I was born before Google. Yes, I am that old. When I was little, we didn’t have an iPad, the Internet, streaming video, mobile phones, or Wii U. We had beta tapes, cassette tapes, regular TV scheduled programming, and our imaginations. (You have no clue what I am saying right about now I am sure.)

We didn’t have video, satellite radio, or a hard drive in our car. We didn’t have streaming music, cloud players, or FaceTime.

And when my mom told me something, I believed every last word down to “spinach makes you grow faster.” Well, because I couldn’t google it. It didn’t exist. There was no way to tell if people were making stuff up.

As your mom, it makes me uncomfortable that you figured out at five-years-old how to launch Netflix before I did. I also think it’s strange that you prefer watching homemade YouTube videos over real cartoons. And I am shocked that you, Lucas, want me to buy you an information architecture app so you can build your own website. You’re five for crying out loud.

We’re now entering an uncharted childhood territory and I see you all becoming obsessive over the latest Minecraft-Mario-Angry Bird mashup, Tinkerbell makeup video tutorial, Google Chrome app, and new releases on Netflix. And you all are getting on my nerves. (I know you’re only 16-months old Cora, but this includes you, too.) The more you are hooked on these devices, the worse your behavior is becoming. You fight over what video to watch. You fight over what device to watch it on. And you are fighting over who is in control. And when you don’t get your way, you all are going crazy like a crackhead who is out of crack.

I am sorry to have to do this. But I am disconnecting you from all devices for the next two weeks. You will have no iPad, no Netflix, no Hulu, no Amazon cloud player, no Wii, no Wii U, no DSi, no Leapster, no Playstation, no touchscreen computer, and no touching my iPhone.

The first few days will be tough. You will go through withdrawal. Then when you’ve reached a state of absolute boredom, I am really hoping that you figure out a way to use your imaginations to entertain yourselves and that you learn how much more fun it is to hang out with your siblings than a device.

So power down, kiddies. It’s time to see what life was like before Google.

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Two-Year-Old Smokes 40 cigarettes a day

27 May

Seriously? Parents in Indonesia started letting their toddler smoke when he was 18-month-old. Now he’s addicted. And he smokes at least 40 a day. If he doesn’t get the cigarettes, he throws a tantrum and bangs his head into the wall. So what? I would let them bang away.

The government is willing to give the family a car if they can get their son to quit smoking. But the dad thinks he’s okay. WTH! Check out this toddler puff away. Looks like he’s been smoking for years.